Homecoming

The thrill of victory washed over me quickly when I got my hand raised. The smile on my face that everyone could see was genuine, and yes, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I still felt quite bad for my opponent Xaria Linette, but I enjoyed the win more than the feeling of guilt. I had nothing to feel guilty about, but it still felt a little bit bittersweet. It was something I wrestled with,but at the end of the day, I knew I didn’t do anything wrong in this whole situation. I simply wrestled a match, and it was a match I needed to win, and I did. Period. Full stop. It was okay to feel good about winning. I had earned it. Xaria had made me earn it. And I respected that.



Once the show was over and I had signed a few autographs, and taken a couple of selfies with fans, it was back home, and Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE had informed all of it’s talents that there would be a extended break from action after a big show, and then obviously for the Thanksgiving holiday. It’s crazy to think that this year is almost over and it feels like it barely began. It seems like it was only a few weeks ago I was getting back into wrestling after years away. And now, here we are, polishing off 2021, and headed into 2022. But it was extremely satisfying to end the 2021 pay-per-view or super match or whatever it’s called, season with a win. It’s a good way to end it, but I know that the hard work isn’t done yet and there’s still another month in 2021 to go.



I had the option to fly home, or to drive, but nine hours on the road didn't really sound like a fun time, even if I got to sleep in the hotel in Montreal. I took the time to enjoy just walking around Canada, since I had never been outside the U.S. my entire life. I really enjoyed how there really wasn’t many issues and most people seemed very friendly and open. It was like the total opposite of New York where most people wouldn’t really bother to even look at you, or if they did, if you looked back, they assumed you had some kind of problem. Here it was just… people being people. And that’s the best type of people.



Anyway, after some sightseeing, after taking in the friendly nature of Canada, despite a little bit of a language barrier since most people primarily spoke French, and my language of choice was Spanish in high school. There were enough English speaking people that I didn’t have too much of a hard time. Still, as nice as it was, I was ready to go home.



Flying back to Pittsburgh, I again felt the weight of everything off my shoulders and it was an easy flight, and Rich was right there to pick me up as always. And soon, there I was, getting to clear my head and enjoy my time off.



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During all this time off, I got to just relax, but at the same time, there was holiday stress, as there normally is when it comes around. I really never spoke about my parents, but the truth is, they let me leave the nest so to speak and make my own way in the world. Sure, they supported me, and they raised me as best they could. I had a step-brother from my dad’s previous marriage, Gavin. Gavin was a few years older than me, and we never really saw each other outside of family reunions and get-togethers over the years. But, much like with me, my parents just kind of let us be who we were. And while I was away from them, they did call and we kept in touch, but for the most part, I was on my own, like I wanted to be.



But, as happens a lot in life, there’s always a feeling of being homesick. I loved living in California, I really did. I loved the sun shining all the time and it was just fun and sunny for most of the time, but at the same time, there was a lot that I missed. As crazy as it sounds, I missed the different seasons. I know a lot of people try to get away from the cold in the winter, but it’s like 70 and sunny every day in California, and I wanted to see leaves change color. I wanted to feel those brisk fall days, and hell, I even wanted to see snow. It’s just a cool thing to see the world change around you based on the time of year.



I thought long and hard about staying in California when I lived there, but I was too put off by what California led me to do to myself, and playing pretend all the time didn’t appeal to me much anymore after the time spent there and all the effort you have to go through. It just wasn’t for me. I wanted to like it, I really did. But, as they old saying goes, home is where the heart is, and I had to come back to Pittsburgh.



But, even then, my folks still let me, just be me. I did a lot of dumb things and well, I ended up paying for them, but my parents never gave up on me, and that was a good feeling. They always welcomed me back with open arms and never tried to stop me from doing anything, no matter what it was. Maybe they wanted me to learn the hard way a lot of the time, but they knew things were never going to be easy for me. I was a freakishly tall girl who liked to work out and disco danced in my room alone. I was going to make mistakes, but I always learned from them. I am thankful to my folks for giving me the freedom to live, learn, crash, burn, & rebuild.





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As the holidays neared, I made plans to return to my parents home, to see family once again. It was good to hear my mother’s voice over the phone and know that everything was good. I never used to like those phone calls after a long time away and you feel the need to ask how everybody is doing, and you get all the updates, but as I’m about to hit my thirties in a couple of years, it does feel good to hear those voices and hear about all the news. I never really stopped to appreciate them when I was younger, but they are very enjoyable. It’s always nice now to hear about what everyone has been up to.



But, at the same time, the new card for Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE came out and there I was, in the main event, once again, and this time the show was going to be in Pittsburgh. I had to double take and re-read the whole card and poster art again to make sure I was reading it right. In my hometown? This had to be some kind of mistake or something, right? There’s no way this was going to happen.



So now, I had double the reason to be both excited and nervous. I would be getting back into the ring, and once again in the main event, and now it would be in front of family and friends. That just was the craziest thing and it consumed my thoughts while I waited for it to happen. The long layoff suddenly became a time crunch. Was I going to be able to perform under such conditions? Would I buckle knowing people who knew me outside of the wrestling ring would be watching? I mean, these were people I grew up with, people I interacted with all the time. I was one of them now, and I had to make sure I performed up to their standards. I know how bad I get when the Steelers lose a game, so would it be the same if I didn’t meet those expectations?



All of these things ran through my mind and consumed my thoughts as the days ticked off closer and closer. Rich could see it as we began to train for the match itself. He has to sit me down and talk to me.



“You’re getting too wound up about this kiddo.”



I tried to play it off like this was just another match, just another show in just another location, but it wasn’t. This meant a lot to me, and Rich could see that, and I couldn’t lie to him.





“I’ll be okay. It’s just… you know, I’m in a weird place right now.”



“You’ll be okay, but let’s just relax and loosen up. I get that this is a big match for you and it’s in a special place for you, but you have to concentrate on the task, and not all those other outside factors, otherwise you’re going to hurt yourself, or set the bar so high you’ll never be able to clear it.”



“You think that people will enjoy it?”



“I think that the people who love you and know you will be proud of you, no matter what the outcome is. You just can’t worry about that. You just have to know that. Look, if they could do what you can do, they’d be doing it. But you’re here, and the people will embrace you because you are from here. And those that know you, will support you.”



Rich was wise, he always knew what to say and when to say it. He always knew how to keep me grounded, yet motivated. He took a lot of the edge off, but it didn’t stop me from putting pressure on myself to perform. I knew what I had to do, now it was just time to try and figure out how to do it and not believe it was the end of the world if I didn’t do great.



“Yeah, I guess you’re right. You… you doing anything for Thanksgiving?”



“I got kids, and an ex-wife, kiddo. I’ll be okay. Trust me, I got relatives I’m not thrilled about seeing either.”



I’m so glad I’m not the only one.



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The Holiday did come and go and it was nice to see my mom and dad, aunts and uncles, a couple of cousins and my brother again. It was nice to just sit back and enjoy the festivities and eat good and just take the time to enjoy time together. It’s rare that it happens, so I was very happy that Thanksgiving itself took a little more time to end than most of the other days.



I alerted my family that the Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE card was coming and of course I had tickets in case they wanted to come. To my surprise, most of them readily agreed and I would have a large cheering section for me come showtime. That made me feel good. It would be great to have that, and be able to see them, as they watched me do my thing. But I didn’t want to make it all about me. There would be more time for that, it was more about being a family on Thanksgiving.



There was UNO being played, a lengthy conversation about who the next James Bond should be, stories about doctor’s visits and various other odds and ends. But it was nice either way. Good food, good family, and good times.



I am thankful for that.



But now, vacation’s over.





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Back to work.



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Holly:

It has been some time since my last promotional piece, but it has given me the time needed to put things into perspective. I am very happy about winning at Annihilation over Xaria Linnette, and it is not something I take for granted. The competition is stiff as anything in Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE and after two setbacks it was pertinent for me to come out on the winning end and I did. I take it as a great match against a very good opponent and I consider myself fortunate to come out on the winning end. I am excited for the future, but it is a little bittersweet because of Xaria’s feelings after the match. I feel for her about the situation she is in, and I feel for her feelings of not being good enough after a loss. It hits all of us, and sometimes, a lot more than it should. I have been there, and even lower in my life, so yes, I understand the plight of Xaria.



I am more happy than anything else that this was a way for me to bounce back. I feel for Xaria, but at the end of the day, my career is just getting started, and this was a good thing for me to win. Now, it also hurts to say that my two victories in Pro Wrestling Excellence were against Xaria. I would chalk it up to an odd coincidence, but it does sting a little to think that my success and the way people view me is based on that and that alone. I know the people are looking at me as at least someone to watch, and do consider Xaria to be prime competition, but I am looking to be more positive about this, and it’s hard to find that sometimes. So, I will take this win, but now I have to move forward.



I did enjoy taking time to recover and re-focus my efforts, especially after all that has taken place. And here we are closing in on the holiday season and all the joy and stress that comes with that. So, it was nice to get a little breather before that takes over, and then we get back to work. But again, it’s nice to be able to take time to appreciate the things you miss with a hectic wrestling schedule. I got to listen to a lot of music and relax, and I may have indulged in a bucket or two of ice cream and binge-watched Dopesick on Hulu, but that is just my little reward for me and a much needed time to just be me and not have to worry about things.



But, now we are only a few days away from Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE returning to live action and I am very excited to be back at work. Though I will miss watching Dopesick. That’s a really good show.



Anyway, I must be looking good in someone’s eyes, because not only do I have another match, I have yet another main event. I’m not sure how I’m doing this, but it’s perfectly fine with me. I feel I am getting comfortable in this spot. Not to sound cocky or anything, I’m just… you know, adapting to my situations. That’s what good wrestlers are able to do, right? Adapt? Well, that’s what I have to do, because my opponent this week is no joke.



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LA ANDALUCERA



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Holly:

Now, I am no stranger to La Andalucera as we have fought before. I had to think about this for a little bit, but she was in the triple threat match with myself, and Xaria, back at Victory II. So, I am fully aware of what she is capable of, despite all that she has gone through. I continue to see her giving it her all each and every time she goes out there. I’m just hard to get a big win, or be noticed, when you constantly have multiple opponents to think about. It seems the only other one on one much La Andalucera has has was against Betsy Ross and that went to a no contest, and from all I have seen from Besty and how good she is, that is a remarkable achievement and La Andalucera should be very proud of this. But if I know anything after our encounters and hearing her speak throughout her run here in Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE, it’s that she obviously hungers for more. That’s a common thing that happens when young stars try to emerge. I mean, I’m chasing the same thing. I’m chasing that moment and that point where I can say I’m doing pretty well, and I can just sit back and enjoy it. But I’m not there just yet. Right now, that grind is ongoing and I have a lot of work to do.



I think that’s about where our similarities end though. La Andalucera is talented, there is no question about that, but she is still searching for that all important first victory. I see it right there, that despite all that talent, it has not translated into wins. And you know, that can be an issue for people. I have been very fortunate to walk into some places and win, and hell, it didn’t take me that long to get a win, but when you’re coming into any new place, or you are just starting, it may take a while to get your feet under you. This is a crazy business and it can definitely be overwhelming if you aren’t prepared. I wasn’t when I first started, even though I had some success. I know first hand that the ups can be dizzying and the downs can feel bottomless. It’s one of the reasons I walked away from wrestling a few years ago, and just kept to myself and tried to get myself together before trying any kind of comeback.



But I get it, and I don’t think La Andalucera is really interested in my story, she’s obviously going to be very focused on winning this match, and putting an end to the idea that she isn’t good enough to get a big win. I’m not sure if I count as a big win if somebody beats me at this point, but when you’re sitting there and wondering if you’re ever going to win, you take what you can get, and any win is a big win. You can watch any kind of sport out there and when a team goes on a losing streak or they are starting over and rebuilding, or they are just starting out, sometimes you start to wonder if you are ever going to get a win. And that can be one of the most frustrating things in the world. It sucks and it just saps the energy. And you begin to doubt and wonder what the hell you’re doing wrong. Now, maybe I’m way off and La Andalucera is just as confident as she was the first time that we wrestled. Maybe she still believes I am not interesting like she did before.



Am I really just uninteresting? Am I vanilla? I certainly don’t think so, I like to think I’m pretty cool, but, I’m just me. I know from experience I can’t be anyone else but me. There’s people I wish I could be more like. I wish I was as confident and as prideful as my friend Lizzie Jones. I wish I had her stride and was able to carry myself like she does. She never looks like she’s lost or not in control of the situation. I wish I could do that. I wish I was as cool as she is too. I wish I was as amazing a friend as my friend Mimi. I wish I could just be able to deal with so many different people and situations and have it all just work out the way it does for Mimi. I wish I had Roxi’s personality and her ability to tackle so many issues at once. There’s a lot I wish I could be, but I can’t. And I’m not in the habit of pretending to be something I’m not anymore. I got rid of all the fake things around me, and the fake things on me. I have accepted who I am, and what I am. If La Andalucera does not like it, or thinks I am vanilla, that’s okay. Vanilla is cool, right? People like vanilla ice cream. I know I do. But more to the point, I’m done pretending. I’m just going to be me. If you don’t like that, that’s fine with me. I will sit here, eat my ice cream, watch Hulu and dance to showtunes like there’s no tomorrow. If that makes me vanilla, I guess I’m vanilla.



It’s also weird to be called vanilla when I’ve been taller than most women all my life, and looked at, as like a freak for a lot of it. I was looked at as weird and different because of how I looked, so to be called bland and stuff like that is confusing.



In the ring, sure, my style isn’t the most exciting, my look isn’t the most exciting, but that’s okay. I’m still learning and growing. In time, I will get better at doing… I don’t know, crazy flips or something like that, but for now, I’m sticking with what works. And it has worked for me so far, so I think I’m doing okay.



And no, I don’t have a crazy personality or some out of this world, over the top persona to throw myself into. I’m not like that, I will never be like that. I’m just me. And that, for better or for worse, is what I’m going with. I don’t need that kind of thing going on, because I like being me. I like that I can just be me, and chill out and not have to worry about turning some crazy persona on and off all the time. I did that enough just trying to fit into places. I’m just gonna be me.



And you know, being me is pretty damn fun now. I get to toss people around for fun. I get to be a giant in world where women aren’t really giants, if that makes any sense. I get to go out to the ring and do what I’m good at. That’s fun for me. I can lift grown ass men over my head. I can do things that most normal woman can’t do, and that’s a plus. And La Andalucera is about to find that out first hand. This time there is no third person in the ring with us. This time, there is just me, and her. And as talented as she is, she is going to have to have literally her best day to beat me at Victory. I’ve learned so much from these past few weeks and I’m only getting better. La Andalucera still looks like she’s stuck at the bottom trying to claw her way out.



Maybe one day, she will, but Monday is not about to be that day. I’m not about to overeat on Thanksgiving, but I will be giving plenty of thanks for the natural gifts I have, and I will use them to my advantage. La Andalucera better be ready, because I am ALWAYS ready. I’m looking forward to it, and to another victory.



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And let’s put a bow on it.



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Holly:

Oh, and you know what’s really awesome? This match, and this show is taking place in my hometown! Yeah, I’m actually going to be wrestling in front of my family, and some friends and people I know. It’s so crazy to me to be in this position. AND on top of that, it’s the main event. A main event match in my hometown. I did not expect this and, I will tell you it means a lot to me that this is happening. I promise you, I will not let any of those people down. Those are my people. The city of Pittsburgh. The steel workers, the blue-collar guys and gals who put in the work all day long.



I intend to live up to those words, because I’m going to be ready to wrestle all day long. I plan on making my city proud.



I hope you all come out, because I’m going to show La Andalucera, what people from Pittsburgh are all about.